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Tuesday, February 25, 2014 10:04 pm
UGC listen, ♥Oh, the horror. I shudder at the thought of UGC. I still have no clue as to why I have to take such a ridiculous module and I'm shitting bricks at this point in time, praying that I can do well enough for the test I sat for this afternoon. I haven't said this in a long time, but this paper, really killed. I haven't done such a tough paper in such a long time, it reminded me of JC all over again. And this feeling, sucks to the ends of the earth. Not cool having tests simultaneously. Hopefully tomorrow's test wouldn't kill. *crossing fingers*
Thursday, February 20, 2014 9:56 pm
Alcoholism listen, ♥
I believe alcoholism is a huge problem because a brawl doesn't just happen at clubs and such, they happen in the heartlands, scaring the living daylights out of many who are getting on from their day to day, hustle bustle of city life.
The incident yesterday has taught me that alcoholism is indeed wrong, and deep down inside, I am glad that the government is imposing higher tariffs on such obscure methods of letting one free.
Drowning yourselves in sorrow? Sorry, that doesn't work for me. At the end of the day, after your drunken spurt, you still have to face the problem and worse still, the consequences of not thinking before you make a rash decision.
Thursday, February 13, 2014 11:52 pm
Honestly listen, ♥So fucking sick and tired of your insecurity and immaturity.
Monday, February 10, 2014 12:01 am
Wreck listen, ♥
I'm a total wreck now. I'm numb and I don't know how I'm really feeling inside. It's like a roller coaster ride, but this time, without the safety belts.
So much has happened in such a short time and I'm tired, I really am. Honestly, with all my heart. I wish I could get by right away.
But I'm only human, and I have feelings too.
I know that I might appear to be nonchalant at times, but deep down inside, I'm hurting, I'm wishing that things would be okay, that everything will fall in place. But time and again, all I'm feeling is resentment and disappointment which shouldn't be the case.
Grandpa's in the hospital yet again, and the fact that I cannot do anything for him hurts more than anything. It's piercing through my heart, especially when I see tears rolling down his cheeks. He was one of the strongest man I knew, my hero that I grew up gazing lovingly at. But now, he's stranded, he's grounded to the bed, with nothing much he can do for himself. And it hurts, to not be able to stay by his side.
I don't get why we're so weary of other's action when we're a family. I don't see why we need to follow what others are doing. I don't think it makes it better as individuals. I don't understand, I really don't.
I don't get why my extended family can be so screwed up, on both sides. I'm in no position to criticise, I know that better than anyone. But I just can't help it. It just doesn't make sense for things to be this way, and I'm tired, so tired of having to deal with all these.
There's so much on my plate that I feel like just throwing the towel. I feel like giving up on all these but what is life without struggles? My positivity is slowly being drained by the people around me. I tried so hard to be positive throughout the years, yet I find myself struggling to even get by now.
What hurts most, is the lack of understanding and insensitivity coming from people around me. I know I have certain obligations that I need to fulfil as an individual, but I've set my priorities and laid out all the rules before hand. But if we're going to have to bend the rules just to feed your damn ego, then I'm throwing the towel. I don't deserve this kind of shit, I deserve so much better. I'm putting myself at the losing end while you're able to enjoy the fruits of my labour eventually, but there you are complaining and whining about every single shit that stands in the way. Do I owe you a damn living? I'm sorry, but I don't owe you nothing.
I'm not a materialistic bitch. I don't need branded stuff to make me feel happy and loved unlike you, and I don't have any intentions of changing the way I feel about things just because of you. You're not that important, and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry things are not working out, and it's blinding to see the differences. I don't see how branded stuff is going to tie me down and I hate how you make yourself so extravagant when we really cannot afford to lead this kind of lifestyle.
I'm tired, I really am. This is driving me crazy. I've been trying so hard, with so much to juggle at the same time, and it's weighing me down, too much.
The urge to give up on everything and to just move on in life is so strong, I feel that I don't even have to think twice about it.
What do you want from me? What must I do to make things work? Why should I be the one who's going through all these? What am I to you?
Friday, February 07, 2014 5:50 pm
Amazed listen, ♥
It really amazes me how some people can think so highly of themselves. I'm not trying to be mean and all, but really, do you think you make so much of an impact in my life? I'm sorry, but you're not that important after all. Honestly, you're always the one taking the back seat because many other things in my life precede your very presence. Accept it and suck it up. You're just not that important, don't make it seem like you are because it annoys the living day lights out of me.
I should be doing something better. I should be pursuing better things in life. But I'm stuck here time and again, waiting for a chance to break free from the crap that I'm in.
If you ever at any point in time thought that you've inspired me, I'm sorry to say this, but you've done no shit.
I'm better than this, I know I am. Let's get through this ordeal!
Wednesday, February 05, 2014 8:20 pm
Birthday listen, ♥ 
I won't lie and say that it was the best day of my life,
neither would I say that this is the best birthday celebration ever.
But I remain grateful to the people in my life.
For walking with me throughout this gruelling years
and never once turning their backs on me,
I cannot thank them enough.
For always having my back
and keeping watch in the silence,
I cannot express my absolute gratitude.
Yes, no doubt time has passed,
we've grown attached yet apart from each other.
But I remain thankful for having each and everyone of them
who has gone through both good and bad times with me,
knowingly and in the silence.
It doesn't matter when and how they hurt me,
what matters is that we can always come back together as one
and that we have each other on this journey through life.
Thank you for loving me and walking with me through thick and thin.
Thank you for never turning your backs on me when I'm most in need of someone.
Thank you for teaching me to love unconditionally.
Thank you for always protecting me and keeping me safe from possible harm.
Thank you for never letting go of this hand.
On a side note,
thank you everyone who wished me on my birthday
and for all the gifts that I've received.
I cannot thank each and every one of you enough
and I remain humbled that an undeserving person like me
has people that she can count on in times of need.
Thank you everyone. :)
x,
Martha
Sunday, February 02, 2014 11:53 pm
Whine listen, ♥
And so, the world is complaining that I'm not giving them enough attention.
I don't understand, when I bother to ask people how they are doing and such, people just exclaim that they're busy and will get back to me soon. But the soon never comes, and I'm not complaining, I didn't whine about such incidents because I don't see it as a big deal.
But when I don't get back to people when I apparently promised to do so, I get slammed, real badly. And I don't know why. Do people expect this much from me, or am I just not attentive enough?
Yes, I acknowledge that my texts are getting lesser and lesser. Above all, I'm shortening my 'okay' to mere 'ok'. But does that matter? I don't see how it affects what I'm trying to bring across.
What am I supposed to say when people suddenly come forth and tells me such ridiculous stuff in my face?
I'm sorry, but I have too much on my plate to entertain such rubbish. I have better things to do in my life, and school hasn't been treating me well, AT ALL. Especially after going through Winter semester which was worse than hell.
I'm tired, really. I am so tired that I am willing and ever ready to give up and just hide in my shell. But my ego's weighing me down so much that I cannot relent.
Please, spare me the agony.
You may be important in my life, but there's a limit to how much I can give. I'm only human.
Please, give me a break. I believe in all honesty, that I deserve it.
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♥  MARTHA KATHLEEN CLARE SOH RUILING! Bestf! ♥ Fareen Yeo ♥ Partner-in-Crime ♥ February ♥ Jung Yonghwa 정용화 ♥ CNBLUE! 씨엔블루 ♥ Tiffany Hwang 티파니 ♥ Reminisce,
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Applause, |
| Everything you want, is on the other side of fear. | |